


Love?

by lightning027



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Declarations Of Love, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2044263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightning027/pseuds/lightning027
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaworu wants to initiate a more physical relationship with Shinji</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love?

“Hey, Shinji-kun?”

Shinji looked up from his homework. He was lying on the floor of Kaworu’s room, trying to figure out his Algebra 2 worksheet.  He usually did work at Kaworu’s before he headed home for the night.  Sometimes he just stayed at the boy’s house though, like they did the day they first met.  He found Kaworu’s presence comforting.

“Yeah? What is it, Kaworu-kun?” he asked, peering up at Kaworu, who was sitting on the bed, flipping through some book that Shinji couldn’t make out the title of.  Kaworu set the book down and looked right at Shinji, never breaking eye contact.  Shinji always got unnecessarily nervous when Kaworu would stare at him like that, his red eyes never wavering. 

“Do you love me?”

“Wha- what?” Shinji squeaked, his already pink cheeks turning two shades darker.  He broke his eye contact with Kaworu and put a hand over his mouth.  Love? Shinji knew that Kaworu loved him, Kaworu had told him as much.  But Shinji had never really thought about his feelings for Kaworu.  If he was being honest with himself, Shinji had been avoiding his attraction to the white-haired boy.  The conflicted emotions were alien to Shinji and made his stomach flip in weird ways.  Even if he did love Kaworu – which Shinji wasn’t sure he did, since he didn’t even really know what love was… it would be really embarrassing to tell him. 

“Shinji-kun?” Kaworu leaned over the bed, concerned about the poor boy on his floor whose face was as red as Unit 02.  Shinji’s hand, which was covering his mouth, was twitching, and Kaworu was worried the boy might be hurting himself.

“Ah, um…” Shinji moved the hand away from his face and sat up, resting on his knees.  He still refused to meet Kaworu’s eyes because his stomach was doing that thing where it flipped and his heart was beating so fast – Shinji’s hands gripped his knees, trying to control himself.

“It’s alright Shinji-kun, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Kaworu said.  Shinji heard something crack in his voice and looked up.  He had never seen Kaworu like this.  His easy smile was wiped from his face, and all traces of happiness were gone.  He looked so strange – Shinji hated it. 

“No, I-I’m sorry,” Shinji stuttered, unable to help it with the way he his body was reacting to the situation.  “I do like you, Kaworu-kun, I just, I don’t know if it could be called love.  I don’t… I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone before,” Shinji trailed off, his eyes flickering from Kaworu to the floor.  A small smile returned to the boy, and his face softened when he looked at Shinji, who was nibbling on his bottom lip. 

“It’s alright Shinji-kun.  I don’t know what I expected you to say,” Kaworu chuckled, sweeping a hand through his hair.  Shinji watched as the strands fell over Kaworu’s face, and he felt the urge to run his fingers through that hair as well.  Shinji’s eyes widened as he realized what he had just thought about doing.  That wasn’t how he was supposed to think about another boy! That was weird... right?

“Ka-Kaworu-kun? Why did you ask me if I loved you?” Shinji asked, playing with the fabric of his school pants under his fingers.  Kaworu shrugged and slipped his legs over the side of the bed. 

“Well, I was researching relationships, and ways to strengthen them.  And I had an idea – well, it was a bit of a far-fetched idea anyway,” Kaworu waved his hand as if to dismiss the idea.  But Shinji detected the smallest glow of a blush spreading across the albino’s face. 

“What was the idea? I’m sure it couldn’t have been that far-fetched.  You have good ideas, Kaworu-kun,” Shinji supplied, smiling at Kaworu, a small smile that made Shinji feel just the tiniest bit self-conscious. 

“Oh,” Kaworu returned the smile and took a breath, “Well, I was wondering if you would like to initiate a more physical relationship.”  Shinji blinked a few times, a bit unsure of what Kaworu meant.  Did he really mean kissing and stuff? The idea made Shinji feel strangely warm.  Was he supposed to feel this way?

“OK,” Shinji found himself breathing before his mind really registered it.  Shinji made to take back his comment, maybe to ask Kaworu to be more specific, but Kaworu was looking at him in the most loving way he had ever seen, and it made his breath hitch in his throat and that warmth in his stomach just seemed to get hotter. 

“I’m relieved,” Kaworu sighed, chuckling a bit.  “I was worried you might say no.”

Shinji laughed back, but his was more nervous than the relieved titter that Kaworu produced.  Shinji swallowed hard, biting his lip. 

“Could we start now? If that’s alright with you of course, Shinji-kun.”

“Oh, um, sure,” Shinji replied.  He should have said no.  Oh no.  Kaworu shifted on the bed and patted the space next to him, his smile open and caring.  Shinji couldn’t bear to say no.  He wasn’t sure if he was hesitant to join Kaworu because he didn’t want to “initiate a physical relationship”, because he was nervous, or simply because he wasn’t quite sure what Kaworu expected of him.  Nonetheless, Shinji sat down next to the albino, but had a bit of a hard time meeting his gaze.

Kaworu placed his hand over Shinji’s much like when they had taken a bath together soon after they had met.  Shinji inhaled sharply and looked at Kaworu, who was slowly leaning closer to him. His ruby eyes were half lidded, and Shinji could feel his breath on his cheek.  He briefly wondered why Asuka found breathing to be repulsive, as the breath ghosting over his face sent a thrill through Shinji that made him lick his lips. 

“I’m going to kiss you now, Shinji-kun,” Kaworu sighed.  Shinji’s spine tingled when Kaworu said his name like that, so breathy and loving.

“OK,” Shinji whispered, his eyes fluttering shut as Kaworu did the same.  Kaworu lips touched his, then they pressed together softly.  Kaworu’s hand cradled Shinji’s cheek, his thumb drawing circles on his cheekbone.  Shinji wavered with his hands for a moment, but somehow they found their way to Kaworu’s waist. 

After a few more seconds, Kaworu pulled away from Shinji. 

“Is that- am I doing it right?” Kaworu asked.  Shinji took a deep breath, still trying to recover.

“Uh, I don’t really know.  I think you’re supposed to move around… And I think I heard something about tongue somewhere, but I don’t know about that,” Shinji said.  His hands were sweating on Kaworu’s shirt but he was too embarrassed about it to actually wipe them on something. 

“Do you want to try again?” Kaworu asked, shifting on the bed so that his body was closer to Shinji’s.  Shinji nodded quickly.  He wasn’t even trying to figure out his feelings for Kaworu right now.  Like, love, whether what he felt was normal – it didn’t matter.  What mattered was that they were happy and Kaworu was smiling at him like he was the most important person in the universe. 

“Yes,” Shinji said, licking his lips.  Kaworu noticed, and Shinji saw him, rather than heard him, sigh.  But before Shinji could comprehend this, he was being kissed again and both of Kaworu’s hands were on his face; carding through his hair.  Kaworu began by pressing a kiss straight on Shinji’s lips like before, but then he began to experiment by kissing and sucking on Shinji’s bottom lip, his top lip, kissing the corners of Shinji’s mouth and even nibbling lightly.  Shinji started to kiss back once Kaworu sucked on his bottom lip again, kissing Kaworu’s upper lip and rolling with whatever Kaworu thought of next.  He found his hands gripping harder onto Kaworu’s waist and traveling up and down the boys sides, feeling the slight curve of his body.  They started to switch positions, and instead of leaning to the right, this time it was the left, and Kaworu’s nose was pressed into Shinji’s cheek. 

Shinji had started to make little noises as Kaworu become more daring, his nibbles turning into nips, and his tongue darting over Shinji’s lips, making him shiver.  Kaworu seemed to be enjoying the small sighs and the hitches in Shinji’s breath, as he started to hum in response to Shinji’s sounds, low, contented noises that encouraged Shinji to keep kissing back. 

Soon, an especially hard nip made Shinji squeal.  His mouth opened and somehow Kaworu’s tongue found its way inside, drawing more noises from Shinji.  One of his hands moved to the small of Kaworu’s back to draw him closer, like the hand Kaworu had situated on the back of Shinji’s head that helped guide his movements.  Shinji tentatively licked Kaworu’s tongue, and soon they were exploring each other’s mouths, and slick, wet, noises joined Shinji’s squeaks and Kaworu’s groans.  In an attempt to draw Kaworu closer, Shinji’s hand slid up his shirt.  The boy moaned into Shinji’s mouth, and Shinji felt that electric pulse that he was quickly becoming acquainted with. He deepened the kiss, hoping to draw more of those sounds from Kaworu. 

However, all too soon the boys had to break apart for air. When Shinji finally opened his eyes and saw Kaworu, he couldn’t help but whine in the back of his throat.  Kaworu was sweating slightly, something Shinji had never seen him do, and his ruby eyes were fixed on him.

“Ah, Shinji-kun,” Kaworu breathed, playing with Shinji’s hair.  Shinji leaned into Kaworu’s touch.

“Kaworu-kun,” Shinji answered, in the same hoarse voice Kaworu had used.

“I want – mm, I want Shinji-kun,” Kaworu said, winding an arm around Shinji and pressing their bodies so close together that their chests were touching.  Shinji closed his eyes for a fraction of a second, relishing the warmth of their bodies. 

“I, I want Kaworu-kun too,” Shinji said.  He leaned onto the bed, pulling Kaworu with him.  They ended up side by side, chest-to-chest, with their legs tangled.  Kaworu didn’t ask Shinji this time before he kissed him.  They were getting better, as Kaworu wasted no time in licking his way into Shinji’s mouth.  Shinji wasted no time himself, his hands finding their way up Kaworu’s shirt, untucking it the rest of the way.  His left hand charted a path across Kaworu’s back, scratching his nails over Kaworu’s shoulder blades and making the boy shiver and moan.  Shinji was a bit more hesitant with his right hand, which was currently hovering over Kaworu’s stomach, unsure if it would be acceptable to touch.  Shinji’s mind was made up when Kaworu started unbuttoning his own shirt. 

Kaworu broke the kiss just as Shinji placed his hand over the albino’s flat stomach. This time, Kaworu’s moan wasn’t muffled by anything, and it was loud and deep and made Shinji think of things that he probably shouldn’t think about.  Kaworu began to kiss across Shinji’s cheek to his ear, and sucked on the lobe, tickling it with his teeth.  Shinji sighed deeply, spreading his fingers wide over Kaworu’s body, as if to steady himself.  Kaworu moved so he was on top, one leg in between Shinji’s, and pulled his clothing off in what was likely record time. Then Shinji was staring at a shirtless Kaworu.  It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen the boy shirtless before, it was just different now that they were doing… _this_.

Kaworu didn’t seem to notice Shinji’s staring, and returned to the boy’s face, kissing all along his jawline.  Shinji cocked his head to the side, giving Kaworu more access, as Shinji continued to explore the other boy’s body.  His right hand slid up Kaworu’s body, rubbing against barely-formed abdominal muscles, to his chest.  Before Shinji could muster up the courage to explore Kaworu’s chest, the albino was attacking his neck, raining down openmouthed kisses wherever he could reach.  Shinji cried out, his back arching when Kaworu sucked at a particularly sensitive spot.  The warm feeling in Shinji’s stomach was spreading to lower regions.  At any other time, Shinji would be mortified, but Kaworu was biting at a spot just underneath his left ear.  Shinji just about screamed in pleasure; he pulled Kaworu’s body closer to him, using the arm he had wrapped around the boy’s waist.  This just made Shinji yell even louder, as his quickly hardening member brushed against Kaworu’s thigh. 

Kaworu released Shinji’s neck, glancing at the spots where his sucking was sure to leave a mark.  He kissed the new bruises lightly, as if he was sorry for marring Shinji’s skin.  Shinji himself was trying to recover from the onslaught of sensations, panting and taking deep, shaky breaths, and running the hand that wasn’t wrapped around Kaworu’s waist through his hair.  He closed his eyes as Kaworu kissed him, trying to control his arousal.  _What if Kaworu notices and gets freaked out? Would he think I’m disgusting?_ Shinji tried to think of unpleasant things, but he couldn’t focus when Kaworu was whispering into his neck and sending vibrations running through Shinji’s body. 

Kaworu began to unbutton and remove Shinji’s shirt, first the school shirt and then the undershirt.  He pulled the material over Shinji’s head, and kissed Shinji again before moving on to the task at hand.

“Kaworu-kun…” Shinji said.  His eyes widened.  His voice had sounded… so hoarse, and deeper than usual.  Kaworu groaned and closed his eyes when he heard Shinji, and pressed a kiss to Shinji’s sternum, murmuring something to his skin.

“Kaworu-kun, I can’t hear you,” Shinji whispered, trying to compose himself by talking. 

“I said,” Kaworu breathed, “I love it when you say my name like that, Shinji-kun.” He was looking at Shinji with half-lidded eyes, and the sight made Shinji’s pants even tighter.  Shinji could do nothing but gasp in response, as Kaworu turned his attention to Shinji’s exposed chest.  He ran his hand over Shinji’s body, as if unsure where to start when faced with such an expanse of skin.  He brushed his thumb over one of Shinji’s nipples and Shinji’s breath hitched.  Kaworu watched Shinji’s reaction before placing his full attention on his hands, which were now rubbing and squeezing Shinji’s nipples.  Shinji’s breathing quickened, and his hold on Kaworu’s head tightened, his fingers gripping tightly onto the silky strands of hair.

“A-ah, Kawor- AH!” Kaworu replaced his hand with his mouth, running his tongue over the little nub.  Shinji arched into his mouth, and soon Kaworu was sucking on him, and Shinji was making all sorts of small, strangled noises, squirming in Kaworu’s hold.  He was unsure if he should buck into Kaworu and ease the pressure in his pants.  With a light bite to his nipple that choice was made for him, and Shinji thrust into Kaworu’ thigh involuntarily.  Shinji moaned and thrust again – now that he had started, he didn’t seem to be able to stop. 

“Shinji-kun, you’re beautiful, beautiful Shinji-kun,” Kaworu chanted, closing his eyes and pressing kisses to Shinji’s body, trailing down his stomach. Kaworu’s hands gripped his hips and halted his wild thrusts.  Soon he was facing Shinji’s crotch.  Shinji bit his lip and looked away, embarrassment finally catching up to him.  But then Kaworu was undoing Shinji belt and zipper and he breathed a sigh of relief when the pressure was finally relieved.  Kaworu seemed to be examining Shinji’s cock, as if he didn’t understand what exactly was going on.  He pulled down Shinji’s underwear as well, releasing him completely, and continued his examination.

“Kaworu-kun?” Shinji asked, concerned.  Wasn’t Kaworu going to do something? Say something? Shinji couldn’t tell what he was thinking.  Was Kaworu having second thoughts? Was Shinji too small?

“I’ve never seen you hard here before,” Kaworu commented, trailing a finger, feather-light, over the head of Shinji’s cock.  Shinji shuddered and closed his eyes.

“Does that feel good, Shinji-kun?” Kaworu asked, tilting his head to the side as he alternated between watching Shinji and gazing at Shinji’s dick.  Kaworu’s touches were no longer so teasing, and his hand closed around the base, squeezing ever so lightly.  Shinji moaned and felt his toes curl, searching for some sort of purchase.  Kaworu stroked towards the tip, slow and increasing in pressure, and Shinji’s moans increased in volume.  He pulled on Kaworu’s hair, harsher than before, unable to control himself.  Kaworu had only just started touching him and Shinji was already at his limit. 

“Ka-wo,” Shinji couldn’t finish his sentence, and it ended with a harsh moan as Kaworu moved his hand over Shinji’s member once more, this time twisting slightly at the tip.  Kaworu rubbed his thumb over the slit, collecting the precome there to help slick Shinji up.

“What is it, Shinji-kun?” he asked, tilting his head to the side so that some silver hair fell into his eyes.  Shinji gasped for air, closing his eyes in desperation, trying to find something to pull him back to reality.  Because this was _Kaworu_ who was treating him like this and it was _too good, **too good**_ **,** he didn’t want it to end.

“I-“ Shinji choked out, grabbing Kaworu’s hand to stop his smooth strokes.  The break in the rhythm gave Shinji some relief, and he sighed.  “If you keep, uh, doing it like that, I’m gonna, um…” he stuttered, the flush apparent on his cheeks. 

“Then what do you want me to do?” Kaworu asked, smiling.  Shinji couldn’t believe this boy was here, and the only thing he cared about was Shinji, Shinji’s pleasure and Shinji’s desires.  He wanted Kaworu to feel good too, wanted to show him how much he loved him.

“Take this off,” Shinji said, with more authority than he thought he could muster in this situation.  Kaworu began to unbuckle his pants as Shinji slid the rest of the way out of his own.  Once they were undressed, Shinji couldn’t help but take in the sight of Kaworu, completely undressed in the bed, and half-hard.  Shinji’s hand only trembled slightly as he wrapped it around Kaworu, working Kaworu as he would himself.  Kaworu’s hand flew to his mouth, stifling a breathy moan. 

“Shinji-kun,” he breathed between his fingers.  He wrapped a hand around Shinji’s neck and drew him in for a kiss, Shinji still pumping Kaworu, though his pacing was a bit off.  Kaworu groaned into the kiss, unable to help himself.  His hands found  Shinji’s cock once more, mimicking Shinji’s own ministrations.  Shinji broke the kiss to gasp for air, but his lips were soon captured by Kaworu once more.  Shinji’s hands shook as he moved them over Kaworu, his breath hitching the same as Kaworu, their hands moving perfectly in time as Kaworu copied his exact movements.  But soon their current position, sitting across from each other on the bed, was becoming troublesome, and Shinji couldn’t handle it anymore. 

He removed his hands from Kaworu’s cock to press his palms against his chest, pushing him into the pillows as Shinji straddled him.  Their lengths pressed together and the friction made Shinji lean further into Kaworu, a short gasp of “Oh-“ escaping his mouth.  He wrapped his hand around not one, but both of their cocks, a half-formed plan in his clouded mind.

Kaworu watched as Shinji took both of them into his hands, and he couldn’t do much but sink back into the sheets and arch his back.  Now that Shinji had control, he seemed to know just what to do to drive both of them wild.  And every time Kaworu opened his eyes he had to close them almost immediately, as the sight of Shinji straddling him, moaning his name… it was almost too much for him. 

“Ka-ah!” Shinji yelled, Kaworu’s hands resting on his hips, serving to rock their erections together as Shinji pumped.  Shinji’s hands moved frantically, almost of their own accord, as Shinji relied on Kaworu’s strong hands to keep him steady.  Shinji’s hair was a mess, his chest heaving and his eyes closed in pleasure as he tried to yell Kaworu’s name.  Kaworu himself was in the same predicament, his back arching and pressing them even further together, muttering soft, half-groaned words of encouragement. 

“Shinji-k-ah, hah, so good, you’re so, mm,” Kaworu mumbled, his right hand moving from Shinji’s hips to his waist as the boy arched quite violently.  “I love you, oh, ShinjikunIlove, hah,” Kaworu couldn’t’ stop his lips from moving, his eyes traveling over the beautiful boy coming undone in front of him.

Shinji was almost there, he could feel every reaction Kaworu gave him, could feel every breathy word, could tell every time his toes curled.  Shinji was making Kaworu feel like this, and he couldn’t take it.  He grabbed Kaworu’s hand from his waist and wrapped his own around it, guiding Kaworu along their lengths, and his hand was so smooth and fucking perfect, it didn’t take more than three strokes before Shinji almost fell over.

“Ka-Kaworu!” He screamed, arching impossibly high.  Kaworu was spellbound, and with one final stroke he came as well, a breathed “Shinji-kun,” followed by a low groan that rocked Shinji to the core as Kaworu pulled their bodies together, pressing their sticky stomachs and chests to each other as they both caught their breath. 

Shinji was exhausted from what was possibly the best orgasm of his life, his head resting heavily on Kaworu’s shoulder, who wrapped his arms around Shinji like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“Shinji-kun?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you, so much.”

“I, I love you too. Kaworu-kun.”

**Author's Note:**

> Because we need more hopelessly cliche smut in this world.
> 
> I'm not 100% pleased with this, but here it is anyway. My first contribution to the NGE fandom. Please let me know if everyone was in character or any ways to improve my writing!
> 
> Also this work is semi-dedicated to tumblr user nerv-headquarters who motivated me to finally finish this monster.


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